Sorry it took mommy so long to write another letter to you – it has been a very busy summer!

We sold our Richmond house and decided to stay with Auntie Julie and her family inEast Vancouver for the summer while daddy rushes to finish our house in Point Grey. Living with Auntie Julie’s family has made our summer unforgettable. We built many happy memories making cookies and going to the park with your cousin Celine and singing Karaoke with your cousin Sheri. We also spent many fun weekends in the Okanagan jet-skiing and building sand castles – your all time favourite activity of the summer!

We’re very grateful to have so many family members living close by who spoil and adores you. Grandma walks over to see you almost every other day. We enjoyed living in East Van so much that we’re actually thinking of moving back here very soon!

Lucas is now 11 months old and has grown to be super adorable. He loves music just as much as you. Each time he hears upbeat music, he shakes his butt and nods his head to the music just like you did when you were a baby. He is just starting to steal your toys but not enough for you to despise him yet. There is a bond between you two that is growing stronger every day. I hope that bond will flourish into something significant. That is one of mommy’s biggest hopes is for you and your brother to love each other and watch out for one another.

Surgery Update

We just brought you home today from the hospital after your second round of tissue expansion surgery. After this round, we expect to have at least 2-3 more surgeries that will start again next January. You have matured immensely as you handled this surgery very well. You are much more vocal and can express yourself very articulately! You’re conversing in three languages – English, Cantonese and Mandarin, depending on who you’re speaking to of course

You have come such a long way since last summer. The optimism you exhibit truly makes mommy feel like everything we went through was so worth it. You have an amazing zest for life that is palpable in your smile. The sparkle in your eyes makes me so hopeful even during the most challenging times. The road ahead is not going to be easy as you’re going to start preschool very soon. There’s part of me that really wants to shelter you but I know the earlier I allow you to face the world, the easier it will be for you to protect yourself and be independent.   

We hope to have all the saline injections completed by December so you can be done with surgery before Christmas. Your most recent favourite song is “Jingle Bells” which you made the hospital musician sing to you today. Mommy and daddy are looking forward to making the upcoming Christmas season an unforgettable one for you!

Luv,

Mommy

It has been almost a week since you had your tissue expansion surgery on Monday, March 21st. The operation was a lot more painful than mommy expected. Dr. Verchere made an incision in your skin and miraculously inserted 3 tissue expanders; one in your chest, one in your back and another one in your right thigh. In three weeks, you will have to go back to her office to get saline injections which will help expand your skin. After 3 months, you will need to undergo another surgery to remove the expanders and Dr. Verchere will take the excess skin and use it to cover the surface area of your existing scars. It will probably take 3-4 rounds of tissue expansions before most of your scars are covered.

You only had to stay over night at the hospital for one day but ever since you were home on Tuesday, you’ve been complaining that it “hurts” and refuses to sit up, walk or go out. This is only the first round of tissue expansion and it hurts me so deeply to think of all the future pain that you will have to endure from other surgeries.

Baby, you have come such a long way since your last surgery in June of 2010 when you were only 20 months. Now you are more vocal and can express yourself using simple words. You can now trilingual in your current vocabulary and count 1-5 in Mandarin, Cantonese & English. I hope you can keep up your Mandarin even after Auntie Spring, your nanny leaves us this coming summer.

Since January, we have signed you up for numerous dance and gymnastics classes, and taken you to many playgroups which helped you regain your confidence, your sparkle and most of all – your laughter. You wake up with a smile and each time you look at me, there’s a twinkle in your eye that tells me you will grow up to be a phenomenal human being. The journey ahead is not going to be easy but I know that you will be strong and make it through.

Luv,

Mommy

Current Update

Cadence has come a long way since returning from Children’s Hospital in February. When we first brought her home, she was timid and cautious. I recall how worried that I wouldn’t see her laugh again. Prior to the accident, Cadence had such a vivacious personality. She was determined, vibrant and always happy. Currently, with the exception when she is feeling very itchy and frustrated, Cadence has regained her bubbly, fun-loving personality. She is still somewhat reserved and cautious around strangers so we are trying to over come that by bringing her to play groups and social outings.

From a healing perspective, her scars are only 50% mature and it may take up to another year for them to fully mature. She is currently in pressure garments to help flatten her scars and may need to wear them for another 2 years. By the looks of it, her scars may not heal as nicely and quickly as other burn survivors.

The biggest challenge in Cadence’s recovery is dealing with itch. Dr. Verchere, her plastic surgeon has coined Cadence her itchiest patient she’s ever had. We have tried to give her every remedy in the book including a myriad of prescription pills and topical creams but nothing seems to work. The only thing we can do is massage her endlessly to relieve the itch and offer her lots of love and comfort. The care that Cadence requires at night is even more demanding than our new born son. As hard as it is during the nights, when I see her beautiful smile and eyes light up during the day, I know it’s all worth it.

The journey to healing is still many months ahead and many sleepless nights away. Nevertheless, we are fully committed to bringing up Cadence to be a confident and happy human being.

Lessons Learned

Acceptance – Up until last month, I was still living in the past, feeling a lot of guilt and regret. It wasn’t until recently that I finally forgave myself and accepted what happened. As simple as it may sound, I came to a realization that what happened was not just Cadence’s destiny but also our destiny. I believe that Cadence was brought into our lives to help us learn some very important lessons – ones that will take a lifetime for us to comprehend.

Appreciation – Prior to Cadence’s accident, Dave & I were both very career focused. We took advantage of the fact that we had such a trustworthy nanny and neglected spending enough time with Cadence. This accident has really made us re-evaluate our priorities and now we’re spending lots of quality time with Cadence.

All in all, this ordeal has changed us immensely. We have come out of this to be stronger and more loving parents.

Thank You-s

This last year has been the most challenging year of our entire lives. We wouldn’t have made it through without the support of our family and friends. The following is a list of people who I would like to express sincere gratitude for their support during the toughest times of our lives.

Family – To our families who have been there for us through and through. We can not imagine how much harder it would have been if we had stayed in Hong Kong for Cadence’s grafting surgeries and didn’t have the support of our family. Special thanks to Cadence’s grandmother for help on the weekends so we can have a good nights’ sleep!

Friends – To our good friends who have offered us moral support right from the beginning until now. You know who you guys are so thank you!!!

Staff – To my staff at Suiteliving – Kelly & Ellen, thank you for keeping the business running so smoothly during my maternity leave and endless medical appointments with Cadence

Spring – Our most beloved and loyal nanny. I am truly convinced that you owe us big time in your past lifetime and you’ve been into our lives to pay us back! You have been absolutely amazing in taking care of Cadence.

Children’s Hospital – To the nurses, doctors (Dr. Verchere in particular), Occupational Therapists (Joyce & Kim), and Physiotherapists (Terry & Elaine). Thank you for the excellent care that you’re providing Cadence.

Mentor – My first employer, now mentor, Paul Turje who taught me some of the most important lessons in life. These lessons were instrumental in helping me get through this ordeal. The powerful words you instilled in me – “Assume innocence” and “Respond with Kindness”- has transformed my life forever.

Letters to Cadence

We would like to invite our family, friends and blog followers to post a personal letter to Cadence. You can do so by replying with a comment and then I will transfer your letter to the “Letters to Cadence” section of this blog. When Cadence is old enough to understand everything that has happened to her, she can read your posts and know how many people cared for her.

Thank you everybody for taking the time to follow our blog.

Time sure flies when we become parents. It feels like yesterday that we celebrated Cadence’s first birthday. Who would have known that in less than one years’ time, the accident has turned our world upside down and changed our lives forever?

I’m trying hard to let go of any remaining guilt and fear that I’m feeling inside. Despite what we’ve already been through, the hardest journey is still ahead when Cadence is old enough to notice her scars and compare herself with other kids. Our job as parents, will be that much harder. We’ll need to help build her confidence and help her realize that beauty is much more than skin deep.

Just yesterday, as I was watching one of my favourite TV shows, “Brothers & Sisters,” I heard a saying that brought tears to my eyes. It goes like this, “You must give up the life you planned in order to find the life that is waiting for you.”  From the moment Cadence was born, I envisioned our lives to be much different. I was hoping to give my children many opportunities to travel and see the world at a young age. However, since the accident happened during our travel to Asia, I’m afraid to bring Cadence on another trip. I have been grieving about the life that I envisioned and in fear that I’ve lost. Rather, I should be embracing the life that is waiting for me.

Message to Cadence: Mommy and daddy promise you that we will not let this accident taint our lives. We promise to give you the best life that we can afford.  We promise to be there for you, guide you and encourage you to be the best that you can be despite the challenges that you will face.  Most of all, we will raise you to the best of our ability to be a beautiful human being on the inside and out.

With my hubby Dave, Doula Kim and midwife Liz beside my side, I was admitted into the hospital around 1pm. Because the baby’s heart rate was unusually high and I was running a slight fever, it voided my chance of getting the beautiful and spacious rooms in the Cedar Wing (aka hotel suites). Rather, I had to deliver in birthing room #8 on the main floor which I was told was reserved for higher risk deliveries. Hours after giving birth, I was transferred to a private room (#6) in the Dogwood Wing. 

After what felt like a lifetime (it was actually less than an hour) of suffering contractions that were 2 minutes apart, I was finally given epidural. Following the epidural rescue, I drifted in and out of sleep with Dave and Kim taking turns to massage me and feed me popsicles. The epidural completely took away the pain of contractions. As much as I am proud of women who give birth refusing epidural, I don’t understand how they can bear such excruciating pain! As you can see, my pain tolerance is non existent!

Just before 6pm, I was told that I was already 10 cm dilated and the baby is ready to come! After just over an hour of pushing, Lucas arrived into our world weighing in at 7lbs, 13 ounces. Compared to Cadence who was only 6.8lbs, Lucas definitely required more work pushing and required the help of a vacuum to suction him out. Fortunately, his perfect little head was only slightly bruised and was not misshaped in any way.

I was asked to stay in the hospital for 24 hours following the birth so I was discharged on Wednesday evening just after 8pm. It has been 4 days since we’ve been home and Lucas is adjusting very well. He is eating and sleeping very well and has been a joyous addition to our family. Just as we predicted, Cadence adores her little brother. From the moment she saw him for the first time, she rushed to hug him and showered him with kisses. I think she does connect that the big bulge inside mommy’s tummy is now the new addition to our family.

We’re so happy that Cadence welcomed her brother with so much enthusiasm and we’re excited to watch her confidence grow as she takes on her new role as Lucas’ big sister.

On my most recent visit to my midwive on Wednesday, I was told that I’m 2cm dilated so the baby can arrive anytime! Having said that, there are a ton of women who waddle around for 2-3 weeks even when they are 3 cm dilated  (sigh)! Babies arrive whenever they feel like it so I guess there’s not much I can do other than wait patiently.

The most excited person of all is Cadence. She constantly rubs and kisses my tummy and says, “Di di, Di di” which means “little brother” in Mandarin. Not long ago, I was worried that she may get jealous of her brother but now I think having a baby brother will help build her confidence and as a big sister. I can’t wait to see Cadence’s reaction when she actually sees her brother for the first time. It puts a smile to my face just thinking about it

Cadence has matured immensely over the last couple months. Her brain is like a sponge and therefore learns very quickly. She’s a great copy cat and pretty much can repeat any 1-2 syllable words thrown at her. Her latest favourite word is “fang” (sounds like “fong”) in mandarin which means “put”. The problem is – she doesn’t say it very well and instead of “fang”, she says something that resembles the swear word “Fuc!?#>%”. And she doesn’t just say it once, she repeats the word multiple times until we’re all laughing hysterically! I wish we could have captured it on camcorder for you all to enjoy.

In the meantime, stay tuned for news on the new baby’s arrival. Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving holiday! Hope everybody is enjoying lots of turkey with your beloved family members and good friends.

It’s been a good ten years since we last visited the Oregon Coast and it is even more beautiful than I remembered it. In many ways, the beach is very similar to Long Beach in Tofino but with bigger rocks and way more people. The upside is that camp fires are allowed right on the beach. We stayed at the Surfsand Resort on Cannon Beach which was a full service resort that provided everything from marshmallows to kites. Our beach front suite with a separate living room and jacuzzi tub facing the ocean was well worth its price tag!

Our road trip to Oregon came at an opportune time and helped me think through issues that I’ve been struggling with inside. I’m curious to know how many of you believe in rebirth?

Reincarnation

Just before our road trip to Oregon, I had a deep conversation with my friend’s father who happens to be very talented in reading fortunes. He told me not to feel so guilty about bringing Cadence to China. He explained what happened to Cadence was truly an inescapable event in her life. Therefore, this accident was bound to happen. He further explained that possibly why this accident happened is because Cadence did something wrong in her previous life and has to pay for it in this life. This probably sounds crazy but it actually somewhat makes sense to me. I often ask myself why do bad things happen to good people? What is destiny? How do we end up being family/friends? Are we all somehow connected to each other in our previous lives? Perhaps Dave and I owe Cadence something in our previous lives and now we’re here to pay her back through our unconditional love?

I’m a curious human being that always demand answers to everything that happens in my life. Perhaps these answers won’t come to us in our current lifetime but in our previous or next life? Am I making any sense???

 Any insights, advice or comments on the topic of rebirth is encouraged!

Looking Ahead

Until now, the guilt of bringing Cadence back to China has consumed me and robbed me of many sleepless nights. Although I don’t know for sure, why such a horrible accident happened to such an innocent child, I know there is a bigger reason behind God’s every action. It’s been 8 months since the accident and this ordeal has definitely made us stronger, more patient and more loving parents. There are still big challenges ahead of us but with this new way of thinking, I’m better prepared to tackle whatever else life throws our way.

Other than the amazing Chinese food, my favourite part about living in Richmond is having a big drive way and attached garage so we can drive right up to the front door. The only downfall is that we live very close to the River by the Dyke so there are lots of mosquitoes around!

Unlike most people who thinks moving is a daunting task, it was relatively stress free for us. In addition to hiring a moving company, I was lucky enough to have my staff (Suiteliving) help out. Special thanks to Spring, Ellen and Kelly who helped us pack and unpack in less than 3 days! Other than the garage that needs to be straightened out, we’re pretty much settled in our new home.

Now that Cadence finally have her casts removed, she’s back on her feet walking and crawling all over the place. The poor thing has been in casts for the last 4 weeks! Cadence is very independent so she feels so empowered to be mobile and active again. 

Tofino

As a celebration for Cadence’s cast removal, we’ve decided to take her on a little road trip to Tofino this week. Long Beach is one of my most favourite places in the world and I’m looking forward to going back since our last visit in 2004. If any of you who are reading this blog and haven’t been to Long Beach/Tofino, I highly recommend that you do.  In my opinion, Long Beach is one of the most majestic places in the world and it’s right at our door step!

Keep posted to see photos from our upcoming trip…

Just a couple weeks before Cadence’s surgery, I was fortunate enough to be introduced to a book called “The Gift of Fire” by my sister’s very wise friend. The book was written by Dan Caro, an amazing individual who sustained third degree burns to over 70% of his body at a young age of two. As a result, his face and body was disfigured and he even lost his right hand and most of his left hand in the accident. It really was a miracle that he survived. Despite the lost of his fingers, he learned to play the drums and his resilient and relentless attitude made him a renowned drummer and motivational speaker today. The title to his book is, “The Gift of Fire – How I Made Adversity Work for Me.” The book gave me hope but also put me in tears. Reading about how Dan was ridiculed by other kids throughout his school years helped me gain insight on what to expect when it’s time for Cadence to go to school. On page 81, Dan talked about sitting all by himself during lunch and was often mocked by other kids because of his appearance. He says, “If you’re swimming in a pool filled with hungry sharks, the last thing you want to do is let them know you’re bleeding. Sure, these types of remarks hurt deeply, but I did my best to ignore them and protect myself by forming a sort of scar tissue over my heart, as I already had over most of my body.” As I was reading this, I thought to myself how I was going to handle it when other kids make fun of Cadence? I can’t possibly be there for her 24/7 to protect her. More so than ever, I knew I needed to help Cadence build up her confidence and heart so people can see the inner beauty that radiates from within her.

Dan’s journey was very inspiring. It wasn’t until after high school that he realized his biggest lesson in life. As quoted on page 94, “The simple answer is that there is never a way to turn back the clock. There is only the constant beat of forward movement. After a few years, this is what I came to know and understand. The biggest lesson life would eventually teach me is that there really are no negatives – every experience is simply an opportunity, and what we do with it determines if it helps or hurts us…. I’m convinced that the life I have is the life I chose for myself. I agree with Dan that at some level, we all consciously or subconsciously are choosing the life that we currently live. Life is a matter of perspective, isn’t it?

The last paragraph of Dan’s book sums everything up very well. “My gift has been living a full and happy existence after being burned beyond recognition as a child. This gift of fire is one that I have learned how to share with others – one that I hope to continue to share for many years to come.”

I’m so grateful to Dan Caro for writing this book and giving me the inspiration and strength I need to be strong for Cadence. If you would like to know more about Dan or buy his book, check out his website at www.dancaro.com or watch him on Youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQBEB4fqOnI. I hope learning about Dan’s experience will help you overcome adversity and realize that the only limits in life are the limits that we put on ourselves.